Wasted Worry.

It’s not news that I worry.  A lot.  I have written about my talent for worrying before.

Critics would maintain that I obsess over things, but if you were being kind you could just say that I over-think things too much.

I get a topic in my brain and I can’t let it go until I have figured out some sort of resolution or satisfactory conclusion.  Sadly, I’ll often stay up all night figuring out just what to say during a possible potential argument with that mean girl in junior high/ overcharging car dealership mechanic/ rude HOA president; only to discover the next day that there really was no conflict and my carefully rehearsed speeches were worthless.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this, Gentle Reader.

Here is a list of things I have spent too much time worrying about during my lifetime only to realize, years later, that they’ve never happened.

1.  Quicksand.  Growing up I always worried that quicksand was going to be a bigger issue in my life than it has been.

2.  Being in a love triangle.  (I seriously agonized over this in junior high and then, nope.  Never happened.)

3.  Learning geometry.  I’ve used it zero times since eleventh grade.

4.  Creating the perfect Academy Award/Golden Globe/Emmy acceptance speech.  Despite the hours (and believe me, when I say hours I mean hours) I have spent working to get just the right tone of humility and confidence I have never, not once, had cause to use it.

5.  Stressing out about my toddlers strangling themselves on the window blind cords.  (I do have a feeling this worry will resurface when I have grandchildren.)

6.  Concerned about predatory divorced women (I don’t know why, but in my irrational head they were always divorced) that I’ve never met possibly stealing my husband.

7.  Hitting my head on a diving board (much like Greg Louganis did during the 1988 Summer Olympics) and then drowning.  And I worry about this knowing full well that I do not dive.  At all.

8.  Being terrified, in high school, that my period would start while wearing white pants when I didn’t ever own any white pants.

9.  Scared that a gang fight was going to break out in the lobby of the McDonald’s I worked at during college.  Although, in my defense there was a knife fight once, so it wasn’t too far outside the realm of possibility.

10. Being able to handle all the additional pressure, stress, and complications that arise after winning the lottery.  (We don’t play the lottery!)

Share with me, in the comments, the wasted worries you have had over the years.  I need some reassurance it’s not just me.  (Unless it is just me and then I need some overdue therapy.)

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9 Responses to Wasted Worry.

  1. Susie says:

    I am a champion worrier. Just ask my kids. And yes I too have practiced those speeches that I have never needed to use. I will tell you that yes the curtain blind worry does come back with grandchildren. I had to buy those sticky hook things to put beside my windows to hold the cords when the shades are up. You just have to be careful. Right?

  2. Robin Kramer says:

    Well, my most irrational fear is that I’m going to drive up a hill that’s so steep that my car ends up flipping over. But not just flipping over like a stranded turtle who’s just kind of stuck, but flipping over and then PLUMMETING into an abyss. (Because, clearly, if it’s an irrational fear, there can be an abyss in the story.)

    But as for those cords on the blinds? Oh, I hear you loud and clear. That’s legit.

    • Flipping over is bad, but the idea of plummeting makes my heart race and my breathing to become short panicked gasps of air. I completely get your irrational fear which is why I’ll never move to San Francisco.

    • crankepants says:

      And I regularly have an anxiety dream where I just up and drive off the side of a bridge. Or I stop actually driving and *let* the car careen off the side of the bridge. So, that every time I have to drive on a real bridge, I can easily imagine all four of us plummeting over, easy-peasy

  3. Karen @ The Food Charlatan says:

    Oh Ami, I needed this today. This made me laugh so hard. “I do not dive. At all.”

    I’m not a huge worrier (I mean we all have our things) but this post made me think of the fact that I often have follow-up conversations (or pre-conversations) with people who make me nervous (or people I don’t know well.) Except it’s all in my head, and I forget to turn off my facial expressions and hand motions. Too many people to admit have called me out on my silent (and enthusiastic) one sided conversations.

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