It’s not news that I worry. A lot. I have written about my talent for worrying before.
Critics would maintain that I obsess over things, but if you were being kind you could just say that I over-think things too much.
I get a topic in my brain and I can’t let it go until I have figured out some sort of resolution or satisfactory conclusion. Sadly, I’ll often stay up all night figuring out just what to say during a possible potential argument with that mean girl in junior high/ overcharging car dealership mechanic/ rude HOA president; only to discover the next day that there really was no conflict and my carefully rehearsed speeches were worthless.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this, Gentle Reader.
Here is a list of things I have spent too much time worrying about during my lifetime only to realize, years later, that they’ve never happened.
1. Quicksand. Growing up I always worried that quicksand was going to be a bigger issue in my life than it has been.
2. Being in a love triangle. (I seriously agonized over this in junior high and then, nope. Never happened.)
3. Learning geometry. I’ve used it zero times since eleventh grade.
4. Creating the perfect Academy Award/Golden Globe/Emmy acceptance speech. Despite the hours (and believe me, when I say hours I mean hours) I have spent working to get just the right tone of humility and confidence I have never, not once, had cause to use it.
5. Stressing out about my toddlers strangling themselves on the window blind cords. (I do have a feeling this worry will resurface when I have grandchildren.)
6. Concerned about predatory divorced women (I don’t know why, but in my irrational head they were always divorced) that I’ve never met possibly stealing my husband.
7. Hitting my head on a diving board (much like Greg Louganis did during the 1988 Summer Olympics) and then drowning. And I worry about this knowing full well that I do not dive. At all.
8. Being terrified, in high school, that my period would start while wearing white pants when I didn’t ever own any white pants.
9. Scared that a gang fight was going to break out in the lobby of the McDonald’s I worked at during college. Although, in my defense there was a knife fight once, so it wasn’t too far outside the realm of possibility.
10. Being able to handle all the additional pressure, stress, and complications that arise after winning the lottery. (We don’t play the lottery!)
Share with me, in the comments, the wasted worries you have had over the years. I need some reassurance it’s not just me. (Unless it is just me and then I need some overdue therapy.)