This weekend I did something that I had been putting off for months. Something I knew needed to be done, but I just couldn’t summon up the energy to do it. Something I knew would not only make me happy, but would make my life infinitely easier.
What did I do? I cleaned out the junk drawer in the kitchen.
I’m not sure who invented the junk drawer. Perhaps, cavemen were the propagators of these necessary evils, but I’m really not sure. Someone should research this. It would be a fascinating coffee table book: “The Junk-Drawer Through the Ages: a Story of How Man Has Organized His Crap From the Beginning.” Someone get on this right away, please.
All I know is that our junk drawer was out of control. Pencils were fraternizing willy-nilly with pens and Sharpies. The crayons and colored pencils, rather than being contented on the art shelf, had illegally immigrated throughout the entire drawer. Paper clips, safety pins, and staples ran amuck with no organizational plan or consistency. Worst of all, the watercolor paint (after an unholy union with a leaky glue bottle) had morphed into a huge, slightly radioactive stain in the middle of everything- contaminating all our supplies with a blueish-green slime.
So this weekend I removed the bins and boxes that no longer corralled our various odds and ends, then I emptied the entire junk drawer on the kitchen counter.
The minute I did this I felt immediately overwhelmed at the mess I had created. I channeled a little bit of former President George W. Bush and cried out, “OH NO! I have no exit strategy for this!” But then I took a deep breath and dived in. Sometimes there’s just no way but through.
It took me an hour, several muttered curses under my breath, and an experience with contact paper that I will never be able to fully talk about without the help of a therapist, but I did it. I tamed the beast. I cleaned the mess. I did the impossible.
When my husband got home, I proudly showed off my hard work.
“That’s nice,” he said absentmindedly.
“WHAT!” I shouted in outrage. “Cat videos on YouTube are nice! A day without violence in the Middle East is nice! Bruno Mars singing at the Superbowl half-time show is nice! This is freakin’ GENIUS!”
I shut the drawer and then re-opened it for his perusal. The husband immediately gushed, “Wow, honey! This is the best thing I’ve seen all day! How do you do it?”
I’m married to a smart man (who obviously has a deep seated need for drama in his life. Which is why he married me.)
So there you have it, Gentle Reader. My gripping, over the weekend tale of agony and triumph. Please feel free to leave your own complimentary and gushing comment about my cleaning/organizational abilities in the space below.
And now there is a pantry cupboard that needs a little whipping into shape. I must leave you.