This morning at 3:25 a.m. my oldest daughter woke me up to inform me that my youngest daughter had thrown up. Everywhere. Twice. Since then, Eden has thrown up an additional four more times.
Well, hello stomach flu. You’ve been such a stranger around these parts, welcome back.
Have you ever seen The Wedding Singer? After Robbie is left at the alter, his would-be bride informs him that she doesn’t love him and won’t marry him. He replies that is information that would have been helpful yesterday.
In the spirit of that fine cinematic masterpiece (seriously it’s Adam Sandler’s finest movie), here is a list of things I would have done differently yesterday if I knew that the stomach flu was planning on visiting our house today.
1. Had the girls pick up every Lego, Lalaloopsy doll, and piece of Barbie furniture that covered their entire bedroom floor. Knowing there’s a bunch of vomit waiting for you is bad enough, you shouldn’t have to cripple yourself in the process of getting to it.
2- Convinced Eden she did not need to sleep with a dozen stuffed animals and dolls. Do you know how hard it is to get throw up out of Build-a-Bear fur?
3- Helped my husband get the laundry caught up. There’s nothing like having piles of dirty clothes that get pushed to the side in order to express clean some nasty smelling bed sheets and pajamas.
4- Finished all my errands instead of procrastinating them. Now who knows when the heck I’m going to be able to do them.
5- Stocked up on Gatorade.
6- Saved my last Key Lime Truffle from See’s Candies to provide me with a little bit of chocolate hope in the face of vomit adversity.
7- Taken a nap. Eden managed to space out her throwing up sessions so that I only managed to get five minutes of sleep in between each one.
8- Given every other member of the family (including myself) a bath in hand sanitizer. Because I really, really don’t want this virus spreading to any one else.
9- Broken the My Little Pony dvd. Because I have now spent too many hours involved in the adventures of Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Verity and a dozen other animated ponies with cute tattoos on their butt cheeks.
Oh well. Hindsight is 20/20 they say. And she really does look so cute and cuddly when she’s sick.
Gentle reader, may the stomach flu steer clear of your domiciles so you can avoid all of this. Peace out.