Why I shouldn’t be allowed to use slang.

I have recently become infatuated with the phrase:  “like a boss.”  I have no idea why.  My mental state, gentle reader, is a rabbit warren of bizarre twists and turns I am unable to navigate.  All I know is that “like a boss” seems to transform some ordinary, random activity into something spectacularly awesome.

Much like John Cusack’s movie father in Better Off Dead or the Dad on Modern Family, I’m probably using the phrase all wrong but that does not stop me from saying or thinking the following sentences on a daily basis:

1-  I can eat my weight in popcorn like a boss.

2-  I stay up way too late each night reading sleazy vampire books like a boss.

3-  I grocery shop like a boss.

4-  I’ve memorized each episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer like a boss.

5-  I can empty the dishwasher like a boss.

6-  I waste time on Pinterest like a boss.

7-  I correct math worksheets about reducing fractions like a boss.

8-  I yell at misbehaving kids out my back door while cooking dinner like a boss.

9-  I freak out like a boss when my husband is ten minutes late, imagining him dead in a ditch somewhere.

10- I diligently use my turn signal even in the parking lot like a boss.

11- I can diagnosis myself with some deadly disease after googling “persistent headache” like a boss.

What are some things you do like a boss?

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6 Responses to Why I shouldn’t be allowed to use slang.

  1. Brittany says:

    I read your blog…”Like a boss.”

  2. Mindy says:

    I don’t know that I do much like a boss (I evidently need to take lessons from the master), but I did want to say that your first paragraph, third sentence made my year. Spectacular simile.

    • bunkersdown says:

      We did a whole unit on figurative language this year in homeschool, so thanks for noticing. By the way:
      1- You birth twins like a boss.
      2- You can tell people to repent in Portuguese like a boss.
      3- You ride on Disney attractions like a boss.
      I could go on forever. You are so like a boss.

  3. Marie says:

    Speaking of vampire novels, I hope you’ve discovered Gail Carriger’s Parasol Protectorate books (Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Timeless). They make me laugh out loud about once per page, and you know I have a silent laugh, so that’s saying something.

    My daughter has also been saying “like a boss” about everything lately. She is trying to keep me up-to-date on memes (an internet term for slang, apparently), and one of the funniest I have seen is the old fashioned version of your favorite saying: “in a manner resembling that of the employer.” Try it on your husband and see what his face does while he tries to figure out what you just said.

    • bunkersdown says:

      The Parasol Protectorate books make me laugh too! Or roll my eyes. But either way it is good entertainment. I’m so glad you have Brynnlyn to keep you on track with the current slang. See, you have a built-in system to make sure you use it right. I may have to borrow her….

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