Recently I watched SuperNanny on t.v. and immediately felt better about myself. Yes, I sometimes wear my shirt inside-out at the grocery store, but at least I’m not on national television displaying my ineptness for all the world to see. I keep my ineptness hidden.
I’m convinced that this feeling of renewed self-worth is why that show is so popular and why so many people shop at Walmart. You will be glad to know that I am a firm believer in sharing the wealth and paying it forward. Because I’m having a giant burst of love for you, gentle reader, I’m going to reveal some of my best parenting fails so that you’ll have a boost in self confidence and, hopefully, a good laugh at my expense.
No need to thank me, that’s what friends are for. Here we go:
We have a strict no name calling policy in our household. But……once my son Will asked me to interfere because his baby sister kept calling him a name. I asked him what she was calling him. He replied miserably, “Pilly the Pale Punker.” I paused for a moment in an effort to keep myself from laughing out loud, failed terribly at that, and then answered once I had calmed myself down, “Sorry son, I cannot make her stop calling you that because it is too dang funny.” Yes, that would be me sacrificing my son’s self esteem for a good chuckle. A year later it still makes me laugh when she calls him that.
I would like to also point out that I am a horrible tooth fairy. HORRIBLE. At least 60% of the time I completely forget to channel my inner ninja and switch the tooth for the money. In the beginning I could fake it when one of my offspring would come downstairs completely dejected at being forgotten by the tooth fairy. I would hide a $1 in my hand and say, “I bet you just didn’t look good enough.” When we had reached the bed I would then conveniently ‘find’ the money as we searched while I gently scolded them for being so careless.
Please don’t judge me too harshly.
After a while that ploy wouldn’t work any longer, because my kids would come downstairs saying, “I looked and looked for that money and it’s just not there!” Then I’d have to come up with some lame story about the tooth fairy being delayed due to bad weather or a particularly busy night. One of my friends recently gave me a great story I could use the next time I forget my tooth fairy duties; it’s involves a fictitious fist fight breaking out in Kentucky that results in so many teeth being lost that the tooth fairy, despite working a double shift, can’t even make it to the Indiana border on her nightly route.
Obviously, what I lack in organizational skills, I more than make up for in my dramatic flair.
My most recent parenting fail happened over the Easter holiday. One of our family traditions involves a giant Easter egg hunt for all the kids. Inside the eggs are candy and ‘coupons’ that they can redeem for their larger Easter prizes.
As tradition mandates I filled several eggs with prize slips and large chocolate items. However, the thought of filling up countless more plastic eggs with tiny jellybeans that would inevitably be dropped on the floor and then scatter to the far corners of the house depressed me utterly. But the idea of not having jellybeans at Easter was unfathomable. So instead of separating the jellybeans into the eggs, I merely presented my children with a few large bags of jellybeans and said, “Look what the Easter Bunny brought us! Lots of jellybeans! Wasn’t that so nice of him?”
You could call that lazy parenting, but I prefer to call it being proactive with my mental health.
So, in the spirit of sharing would you like to comment with one of your parenting blunders? Then we can all laugh, sit back, and say, “At least we’re not on SuperNanny!” and then feel good about ourselves.