When I’m out of good books to read and unable to sleep, sometimes I get on YouTube and watch clips of Jimmy Fallon. Because Jimmy Fallon makes everything better.
Some of my favorites to watch are the “Late Night Hashtags” skits. In particular, the “I Used to Think” Hashtag” is priceless. It’s rather reassuring to know I’m not the only idiot out there.
Because I still have faith that one day I’ll be famous and on the Late Show, here is my list of ridiculous things I used to think.
1- I used to think that the bubonic plague was really called the “Blue Bonnet plague.” And the fact that they named a brand of margarine after it really grossed me out.
2- I used to think that librarians, besides having the power to kick you out of the library, could stop you from reading books whenever or wherever you went. They were in charge of reading, everywhere.
3- In my early youth, I used to think that all black people grew up to be doctors and lawyers, because the only black people I knew were Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. or on the Cosby Show. (Diversity=good, non-diversity=idiot thinking.)
4- I used to think that vacuums could suck up anything. I learned my mistake when I used the vacuum to pick up a AA battery. Lesson learned. The vacuum threw out sparks and flashing lights and propelled itself forward three feet, even after I unplugged it.
5- In junior high I used to think that I didn’t need to take a computer program class, because computers were (and I quote) “just a fad.” To my credit I’m not a complete idiot, I made this assumption based on my experience with 8-track tapes and rotary telephones.
Alright, it’s your turn, Gentle Reader. I don’t want to be the only one sharing embarrassing things. What crazy things did you used to think?