1- Sleeping with all your fingers crossed and your arms and elbows crossed WON’T make you double jointed. Give up the dream dude.
2- Cats AREN’T pillows!
3- I promise you will NOT go down the bathtub drain when I let the water out. What do you mean “prove it”?
4- Yes. I know for certain that the sun will come up in the morning. Yes. If I’m wrong I’ll owe you a doughnut.
5- The trampoline is NOT to be used as a launching pad for your little sister!
6- I am now turning your entire bedroom floor into hot lava. If you get out of that bed one more time tonight you will be burned to smithereens! Do you hear me? Smithereens! Mommy needs her sleep.
7- No light-sabers on the kitchen table!
8- Everyone stop breathing everyone else’s air. Immediately.
9- We do not burp the words “thank you” at the dinner table when someone passes you something.
10- Yes, that is amazing that you can turn your cold water into warm water by leaving it in your mouth for five minutes. However, it’s probably best just to swallow your water right away.
Leave me the craziest thing you’ve ever said (to a kid or adult) in the comments.