1- Sleeping with all your fingers crossed and your arms and elbows crossed WON’T make you double jointed. Give up the dream dude.
2- Cats AREN’T pillows!
3- I promise you will NOT go down the bathtub drain when I let the water out. What do you mean “prove it”?
4- Yes. I know for certain that the sun will come up in the morning. Yes. If I’m wrong I’ll owe you a doughnut.
5- The trampoline is NOT to be used as a launching pad for your little sister!
6- I am now turning your entire bedroom floor into hot lava. If you get out of that bed one more time tonight you will be burned to smithereens! Do you hear me? Smithereens! Mommy needs her sleep.
7- No light-sabers on the kitchen table!
8- Everyone stop breathing everyone else’s air. Immediately.
9- We do not burp the words “thank you” at the dinner table when someone passes you something.
10- Yes, that is amazing that you can turn your cold water into warm water by leaving it in your mouth for five minutes. However, it’s probably best just to swallow your water right away.
Leave me the craziest thing you’ve ever said (to a kid or adult) in the comments.
“We do not take our underpants off in Target. That is inappropriate.”
This one made me snort.
“Do not get out of the bed again unless you are hurt, bleeding, or dying – or unless you want to be hurt, bleeding, or dying!!!”
“The ceiling fan is not going to fall out of the ceiling and kill you. Just go to sleep!”
Oh, I love the ceiling fan line, Lisa!
Don’t lick the dog.
Ami you are so funny i love u like crazzy silly goose on your back
Stop putting barbeque sauce in your eyebrows.
I don’t care if there is a hole there, don’t put legos up the dog’s butt.
Don’t shoot your sister. It is bad manners.